Kicked Down
by carlyh0rse
Summary: Alex is love with his friend, the farmer Lily, but doesn't know how to tell her how he feels.


Alex watched Lily ride off on her horse, the rain beginning to fall. She made the horse speed up, in a hurry to get out of the storm and back to her farm. Alex didn't even react to surrounding downpour, which was already ruining the hair he had spent so long styling this morning. He sighed, and reached into the small fenced in area to pet his dog. "God damnit," he said as the dog walked into his owner's affectionate hand. "There's no denying it now," he concluded. "I'm in love with her."

The dog's fur felt soft but damp to the touch, and Alex pet him absentmindedly, trying to organize his thoughts. _Lily, I'll never be good enough for you. You're too perfect. Too sweet. Too smart. Too beautiful. I don't even deserve to be friends with you, let alone to be your boyfriend._ Alex thought of all the times she was there for him. Those talks about his parents' deaths, those lazy summer afternoons of playing catch, and then, just now, when she brought him his birthday present. A football, signed by a famous player from the city. He had no idea how she had gotten it, but it was one of the best gifts he had ever gotten. Suddenly, his grandmother Evelyn called from the house.

"Alex! Get in here! You're getting drenched!" Alex turned toward the front door, pulled back into reality. "Coming, Granny!" He stood up and head into the house, his grandma handing him a towel to dry off. "Thanks," he said, wiping his face. "Shoes," she scolded. Alex looked down at his mud-covered sneakers and slid them off without untying them, kicking them into the pile of the shoes by the door. Alex's mind already wandered back to Lily, and he wondered if she had gotten home yet.

She was probably sitting in front of her fireplace, drinking tea, petting her dog. Alex pictured himself next to her on her loveseat, her head on his shoulder. Remembering where he really was, he stepped in the main house, passing his grandfather, who didn't even turn his head away from the television set. He placed the football on the shelf in the living room, knowing he should probably move it later. Alex head to the one safe haven, his room, to try and think. Before he could though, his grandmother stopped him.

"Alex, sweetie, is everything okay? You look like something is on your mind." _How does she always know?_ He thought. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just need to be alone for a while." Evelyn pulled on his sleeve. Alex turned around to face his grandmother, growing frustrated. "Alex, I'm your granny. I know you. Something is definitely wrong." Alex sighed, knowing already that there was no way he was getting out of this. He sat at the kitchen table, where Evelyn followed, taking the chair next to him. His eyes were glued to the ground, knowing he might start tearing up.

Evelyn took his hand in hers, the softness and age of the skin making him feel better. "It's okay honey. Whatever it is. You know you can tell me anything." Alex tried to find the words, not sure how to exactly articulate what he had been thinking. "It's uh... it's... well..." "Lily?" She finished, and Alex looked up at her in alarm. She giggled. "I know a crush when I see one, Alex. It's pretty bad, isn't it?" Alex nodded, saying, "yeah, it sucks. Especially since I know it's never gonna happen." Evelyn shook her head. "I know I'm a little biased, but sweetie, she would be lucky to have you."

Alex started to tear up, and he could feel a tightness in his throat. "No, Granny. Lily is just so smart, and beautiful, and nice. And me, well you know what I was like." Evelyn sighed heavily. "Alex, your parents died. Of course you acted out." Alex sniffled, trying to hold back his tears. "But Granny, I destroyed property. Stole things." Evelyn shook her head. "You were drunk for all of that. Besides, you quit drinking. Two years sober. That's impressive, honey. And you're a better person now. Alex laughed a little, air going out of his nose. "Alex, you have to try, at least. Otherwise, you'll be asking yourself if she would have said yes ten years from now." Alex couldn't hold back his emotions anymore, hugging his grandmother tightly, sobbing.

"Grandma, if she says no, I don't know if I could take it," he said, choking between sobs. Evelyn hugged him back, rubbing his shoulders. "Alex, you got through your parents' deaths. Compared to that, getting rejected is nothing. I think she'll say yes, but if she doesn't, you'll be okay." Alex looked at Evelyn again, pulling away from the hug. "But that's just it. I can't take any more pain, Granny. It'll be too much. I don't know if I can handle another blow." Evelyn was speechless at this at first, not sure how to respond.

"Life is like that. You get kicked down, and then right as you're about to stand again, you get kicked in the face, and end up in the dirt. But you keep trying to stand up. Because if you don't ever try to get up, you never will." Alex though about this for a while, neither of them speaking as Alex stared off into space, knowing she was right. He knew this was the time to decide. He had to try to get up again. "You're right, Granny. But how should I do it?" Evelyn stood up from the table, an idea already clearly in her mind.

"Wait here," she commanded, and opened the front door to the awaiting rainstorm, pulling on her boots and grabbing her gardening tools. Alex sat at the table, waiting. He thought about going to her house, giving her a bouquet. She might smile, and take it. She might take the flowers, smelling them, and look into his eyes. He would let his desires take over. He would slowly inch closer and closer, grab the side of her face, and... no. That wouldn't happen. She would laugh, and think it was a joke. She would blow him off, never knowing his real feelings. She might even tell her friends, and they'd all laugh at how dumb he was.

*Creak* The front door opened, Evelyn completely soaked, a bundle in her hand. Evelyn carefully put her gardening supplies away, and dried herself with the towel she had just let Alex use. She sat next to Alex once again, holding out the bundle to him. "Take it," she insisted, "and go." He accepted the offering, unwrapping it. A large bouquet of red roses was revealed, clearly from Evelyn's garden. "Grandma... thank you. Thank you so much." He hugged her tightly. "Sh... sweetie, it's nothing. If it's for your happiness, I'll do anything." She pulled him away and looked into his eyes. "Go, Alex."

He nodded, and with new confidence, started to head out the door, bouquet in hand, when his grandfather shouted, "ALEX!" He stopped in his tracks, and immediately turned around, and waited for what George had to say. George actually smiled a little, and gave Alex a thumbs-up. Alex smiled back, nodded, and continued out the door. With a slight slam, the door shut behind Alex, and the downpour drenched him. Thunder could be heard in the distance, rumbling.

He took in a deep breath, and began the journey to Lily's farm. Since Alex was a pretty tall guy, his legs usually took him places faster than most of the other citizens of Stardew Valley, but he purposefully took smaller steps than usual, in order to prolong his confession. What once was a five-minute walk became a five-hour trek to him, the dread of possible rejection once again creeping back into his mind. _I can't believe I'm actually doing this. I've never been more terrified in my life. She's going to turn me down. There's no way she'll actually like me. No way._

Even with these thoughts, his imagination showed him a picture: he was helping Lily plant seeds on her farm in the middle of spring, sweat on both of their brows, their kid playing with their dog outside the barn. He shook himself out of the fantasy, at the edge of Lily's property. He stopped dead in his tracks, trying to build courage, gripping the bouquet tighter. He knew what he had to do. He took one step. Another. One More. Alex stood at the bottom of Lily's porch, his breath shaky from both the cold of the rain and his nerves. _Just a few more steps,_ he told himself, and stepped up the creaky stairs to Lily's front door. He raised his hand to the door, put the bouquet behind his back, and tried to slow his heart, which was out of control at this point.

Alex shut his eyes tight and heard himself knock. _Don't be home, don't be home, don't be home,_ he prayed. Footsteps. A handle turned. The door opened. There she was. "Alex! What...what are you doing here? The storm..." He hadn't planned what to say at this point. "Uh, could we... you know just... talk? I... uh.. need to... tell you...something." Lily looked a little confused at this, but opened the door wider, inviting him in. "Sure, Alex." They both stepped in, and Lily went into her bedroom, leaving him alone in the living area. Alex hid the flowers behind the couch, hoping they were out of Lily's sight.

Lily came back, a towel in her hand. She gave it to Alex, who smiled and took the cloth. "You can sit, if you want," Lily said, taking a seat on the couch. He laughed nervously. "Haha. Yeah. Sure." He sat next to her, giving plenty of room between the two of them. His eyes couldn't even look at Lily's, he was so nervous. "So, Alex? What did you need to talk about?" He couldn't speak. He was stricken with fear. He couldn't find the words. There she was, the girl of his dreams, right in front of him, basically telling him to confess, and he about to blow it. He dared to look in her green eyes, and scooted a little closer. "Lily... I.. uh... well... I.." She held his hand, the same way his grandma did, and she said, "Alex, you can tell me. You can tell me anything."

He didn't know how to respond. He knew it would take forever to figure out what to say, so he just got up, and went behind the couch. "Alex... what..." He stood up, went around to her side, and without saying a word, offered her the bouquet. He shut his eyes, not wanting to see her reaction. He couldn't feel her take it, and she didn't say anything for a few moments.

Finally, she spoke up.

"Alex."

He dared to open his eyes, and waited her response expectantly.

"I'm gay."


End file.
